Maintaining a strong marriage and raising kids well are both partners’ jobs.1 Research by Dr. John Gottman shows a few topics challenge couples, like parenting.1 But through talking, understanding, and being ready to give a little, you can kick off a great family vibe.
Teamwork is what God expected when it comes to raising children, with both parents having key roles.2 Following God’s advice and teaching your kids every day lays a solid family ground.2 Parental tasks might test even the sturdiest marriage, as mentioned by a third source.1 Yet, to keep the spark alive, make sure your spouse stays a top priority, just like in your pre-kid days.
Key Takeaways:
- Maintaining a strong marital relationship is a shared responsibility between couples.
- Understand each other’s love languages and manage stress triggers to foster open communication.
- Consult the Bible as the standard for parenting and teach your children diligently throughout daily life.
- Prioritize your marriage by making time for activities you enjoyed before having children.
- Seek input from trusted parents for guidance on navigating parenting differences.
The Importance of Parenting as a Team
Parenting works best when both parents are involved. They work together as a team, just as God planned.3 In the Bible, it’s clear that kids do well with a mom and a dad. The father plays a key role in leading their spiritual growth.3
God’s Design for Marriage and Parenting
In a family, the husband leads spiritually. He ensures their children learn and live by God’s teachings.3 The wife, however, supports him and takes care of their kids with love.3 It’s essential for both parents to follow God’s guidance closely. They should place God first, their spouse second, and their children third.3
The Husband’s Role in Parenting
The father’s job is crucial. He guides the family according to God’s ways and morals.3 This means teaching his kids what God expects, showing them how it’s done, and making sure the family’s choices match God’s standards.3
The Wife’s Role in Parenting
The mother supports her husband’s leadership. She is the heart of the family, creating a loving home.3 Her role is to cheer her husband on and help raise children who respect and follow God.
When parents come together as a co-parenting team, it truly blesses their children. They follow their biblical parenting roles closely while supporting each other.3 This way, they build a home that honors God. Such teamwork also makes their marriage stronger.3
The Challenges of Parenting
Being a parent is full of joys but can be very hard. It often brings challenges for both parents, especially if they have different ways of doing things, come from diverse backgrounds, or don’t share the same level of spiritual growth.1 Dr. John Gottman says that parents won’t always fully agree on how to raise their children.1 This might lead to arguments that can harm the marriage. Each parent could have their own views on strictness, for example.
Differences in Parenting Styles
It’s important for parents to look to God’s teachings when it comes to bringing up their kids. This is better than only going by what they like or what has worked for them before.4 They might face big challenges when trying to decide things together. They could have different ways of parenting that cause problems, making things harder for their marriage.4 Working together to find common ground is key.
Balancing Parenthood and Marriage
Having a baby changes a lot of things. It can cause stress and lead to worries about money, not getting enough sleep, and being tired all the time. It might also cause fights over chores, how much the baby’s grandparents get involved, and less interest in sex.4 But, being able to talk openly, understand your partner, and find ways to meet in the middle can help keep the marriage strong.
It’s crucial for parents to make time for each other. This could be by talking without the baby around for 15 minutes every day. They should also plan to do things together that aren’t about the baby.4 It’s common for expenses to go up when a child arrives, which might lead to tension about money. Having honest talks about the family budget can stop these problems before they start.
Looking after themselves is very important for parents. It helps keep their relationship with each other and their kids strong.5 If there’s trouble in the marriage because of parenting issues, seeking counseling can be very helpful.
Understanding Each Other’s Love Languages
It’s crucial to know your spouse’s love languages. Doing so significantly impacts your marriage, especially while caring for children6. Dr. Gary Chapman introduced the concept in his 1992 book, “The Five Love Languages.”6 These include words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and touch.6
Chapman’s model stresses how vital it is to communicate and meet your partner’s needs.6. Yet, some say it’s too simple and might lead to harmful behavior in relationships.6 Others criticize its limited view on gender and focus on straight couples6.
Despite this, understanding love languages is useful. It helps in knowing your spouse better and strengthening your bond. Chapman’s original five languages from 1992 remain significant7. Knowing your partner’s language can enhance emotional awareness and increase closeness7. This strategy may make you both feel valued and loved7. When couples use this approach and handle their emotions well, they often report being happier together7.
Prioritizing Your Marriage
The third source highlights the importance of putting your marriage first, even after kids arrive. It advises starting a talk on the challenges of having kids. Then, it’s suggested that couples create a list of things they enjoyed pre-kids. After that, they should figure out how to keep doing those things.
Making Time for Each Other
It’s vital to spend time together, trying new activities to keep the bond strong, even with kids.8 This is key when most time goes to family duties, not the relationship.8
Communicating Effectively
The third source also promotes good communication. It tells couples to openly share their thoughts and work on problems together. Keeping communication honest and open is essential for marriage health, especially with kids around.
Resolving Conflicts as a Team
Parenting challenges call for strong teamwork in marriages. It’s vital to handle conflicts together. Using the Bible’s wisdom helps more than relying on personal choices or past experiences.9
Seeking God’s Wisdom
Families need God’s wisdom to solve conflicts. Turning to the Bible in prayer can offer direction. It helps in both parenting and keeping a marriage healthy.9
Compromising and Finding Unity
Settling arguments means being ready to give a little and working together. Couples need to focus on what unites them to parent well. This approach not only improves the family but also teaches children good conflict resolution skills.9
Explore how couples can work together in parenting and maintain a strong marital
Working together on both parenting and marriage is key for a strong family. It needs effort from both. They must divide tasks, spend quality time together, and nurture their love despite child-raising hurdles.4 They must share feelings, be ready to compromise, and work on communication.
Sharing Responsibilities
Good co-parenting means splitting tasks and talking about what each one does.4 They need to agree on what roles they take. This helps them both feel they are contributing and not overloaded. Adapt and compromise are crucial. This lets them handle their family’s specific needs, creating a loving home for kids.
Quality Time Together
Every couple needs quality time even with kids around.4 Setting up dates, family talks, and new activities strengthens their bond. This focus keeps their marriage strong, which is crucial for good parenting.10 Making their love a main focus helps couples in their parenting too.
Nurturing Your Relationship
Focusing on their love is vital for parents.4 Showing love and discussing needs helps. Being open and appreciative builds a close marriage.10 A strong relationship supports them through the difficulties of parenting. It keeps them happy and united.
The second source talks about parenting together as God’s design for couples.10 It suggests putting God first, then spouse, and kids last. This approach helps them stay focused and strong. They find guidance in faith and the Bible, which shapes their parenting and marriage well.
The Importance of Self-Care
Provided sources don’t talk directly about self-care for parents. Yet, it’s vital for a strong marriage and good parenting4. To care well for kids and keep the marriage strong, parents should take care of themselves. This means focusing on their physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being4.
Taking time for hobbies, exercising, or praying helps parents feel refreshed. This allows them to handle the challenges of parenthood better. It also helps them be there for their spouse and kids4.
Practicing self-care aids in a better work-life balance4. With proper self-care, parents avoid feeling tired and distant. This helps their relationship with each other and their children. By looking after themselves, parents can be more supportive of their spouse. They can also be a more present parent, creating a happier home.
Self-care is essential, not a luxury, for parents4. It allows them to deal with the ups and downs of parenting better. And it helps keep their marriage healthy. Making self-care a priority helps couples find balance. This balance leads to more satisfaction and success in their family life and marriage.
Seeking Support
Parenting comes with amazing highs and tough challenges. But always remember, you’re not alone.10 Working together with your partner can be key, especially when things get difficult. For example, having a secret word for when you need help with discipline can make a big difference.10 Don’t be shy to reach out to family, friends, or professionals. They can offer tips and support, making your marriage and parenting stronger.
Involving Extended Family
A recent study highlights a couple who hesitated to use outside help during the pandemic. They were afraid for their baby and wanted to keep everyone safe.10 Yet, the study shows the change in heart. Seeking help, whether from friends, family, or experts, is crucial. It helps in managing a new baby while keeping your marriage strong.10 Getting extended family involved can give you and your partner a much-needed break. This way, you can find time to reconnect and focus on your relationship.
Seeking Professional Help
Along with your usual support system, it might be wise to consider professional help. This includes talking to a Christian counselor if your marriage is suffering due to parenting issues. A therapist or coach might be just what’s needed. They can help balance your parenting methods. They also offer advice on managing the ups and downs of raising kids together. Remember, professional help is there when you need it. It can turn things around, making your family life and relationship better.
Letting Go and Trusting God
As parents, we know raising kids can be hard but rewarding. It’s key to let go and trust God11 when things get tough. This isn’t always directly spoken about, but it’s vital for good parenting and a strong marriage.12
When life as a parent gets overwhelming, remember to know your limits. Rely on God’s wisdom and strength12. It helps to let go of trying to control everything and trust in God’s plan12. This way, you can find peace and the strength to face the challenges of being a parent.11
Believing in God’s help in parenting can lower stress and bring you and your spouse closer11. It also shows your kids that trusting in God’s strength is important in tough times.12
In the journey of being parents together, remember to let go of control and trust in God’s plan12. This brings the peace and strength you need to excel as parents. It also builds a strong, faith-filled marriage11.
The Rewards of Parenting Together
Working together as parents strengthens not just the family, but your bond as a couple. It sets a great example for your kids, showing them how love and teamwork can make a family strong. Focusing on your marriage first, and then on your kids, can make parenting a joy. You’ll face challenges united and supported.13
Building a Strong Family Foundation
In the family, keeping the right order of importance is key: God first, spouse second, and children third. By working as a team, parents build a solid support for their kids. This support helps children grow and be happy. It also teaches them the importance of strong, loving relationships.13
Setting an Example for Your Children
Showing your kids how you work together benefits everyone. When parents talk well and tackle problems as a team, they show their kids what a good relationship looks like. It’s a lesson for life. This way, you help your kids learn to build strong, loving homes when they grow up.13
Maintaining Intimacy
Keeping a strong emotional and physical bond is vital for a happy marriage, especially with kids.14 If a couple falls into a distant routine early on, they’re likely to divorce within the first four to five years.14 Infatuation triggers the release of oxytocin, a bonding hormone, making couples feel deeply connected.14 Increasing time spent on kissing, hugging, and being touchy can enhance a marriage.14 Most sexual issues are rooted in relationship problems, says Laurie Watson, a sex therapist.14
To keep your marriage strong, both partners must work at it.15 Couples who make intimacy a priority are happier and feel less lonely.15 Intimacy acts like a stress-buster, bringing more joy and peace into your life.15 It takes from both sides to build intimacy, showing your commitment and growing your love over time.15
14 The Gottman Relationship Adviser helps couples improve their connection with a self-assessment and a personalized plan.14 Certain acts, like holding hands or hugging, trigger oxytocin release, promoting calmness. This bonding also lowers stress hormones.14 And lower daily stress means less cortisol in your system.14 Hands, hugs, and touches don’t just feel good; they literally make you calmer, as suggested by Dr. Kory Floyd.14
14 Looking forward to intimacy increases pleasure, making foreplay very important.14 It helps if you make time and keep relationship issues out of your intimate space.14 Dr. Gottman says that any positive interaction can serve as foreplay, feeding into a stronger connection.14
16 Research shows that bad sex and relationship problems can harm your mental health, especially in older adults16. Divorced or struggling married people tend to have more signs of inflammation, like high CRP levels.16 Kids and teenagers at home may also affect a couple’s intimacy.16
16 Shared spirituality deepens marital happiness, as discovered in a study of over 5,000 people.16 Rigid views can negatively impact sexual relations, with more freedom for exploration seen in LGBTQ relationships.16 Economic struggles can limit time together, making it harder to maintain intimacy and share new experiences.16
15 Making sexual intimacy a focus is key for a strong marriage.15 Good communication is essential for building trust and a close relationship.15 Spending quality time, being affectionate, sharing interests, and appreciating each other are all crucial for intimacy.15
15 Forgiveness is vital for restarting intimacy in a marriage.15 Clear, open communication helps to understand and meet each other’s needs.15 Getting close in various ways, like intellectual and financial intimacy, is also crucial for a balanced relationship.15 Regularly showing thanks and praise binds partners’ emotions closer together.15
Growing Together Spiritually
Building a solid spiritual base in your marriage is key for dealing with the ups and downs of parenting. Keeping Christ at the center helps maintain a joyful family life.17 It also points out the vital role of parents in shaping their children’s mind with God’s teachings. They should live and preach these values at every chance.
Growing spiritually as a couple strengthens your bond. It shows your kids what real faith looks like. It helps face the tough parts of raising children with a clear view.
Praying Together
Bringing your spiritual lives closer can seem easy but might get tough. Especially if your work schedules and learning ways are different.18 Yet, setting time for joint prayers as a pair boosts your love and connection a lot.17 Joint prayers truly make a marriage spiritually strong.
For those shy to pray together, there are other ways. You can hold hands and share your silent prayer requests. Keeping a gratitude journal together.18 These methods can ease into group prayer and help you express your love for God better.
Studying God’s Word
Reading the Bible together might be hard due to different learning and focus areas in the study.17 This issue is a common hurdle for many married couples. It can challenge the spiritual connection in a marriage.
The key to tackling this is creating a space where both feel welcomed to study the Word.18 Tailoring your spiritual journey to fit you both is crucial. It helps build mutual respect and understanding.17 Strengthening your faith through studying the Bible as a team is a sweet way to grow together.
18 Keep your spiritual tie strong by joining Bible studies, going on retreats, and serving together in ministries.18 Doing kind acts, making art, and learning new worship songs also deepens your spiritual connection. It helps you share God’s love outside your marriage too.17 Many married souls got closer to God by working towards the same spiritual goals. It’s remarkable how faith can transform a couple.
Embracing Change and Growth
The first source talks about why it’s key to welcome growth in marriage. It points out that people change after getting married or having kids. The author says it’s fine to change, as long as love and growth are priorities.19
The approach to change and growth is vital. It helps couples deal with parenting and their marriage better. By facing challenges head-on, couples can get closer and support each other in becoming better parents.19
John Gottman, a psychologist, has found seven habits shared by happy couples after 40 years of research.19 Being thankful and showing love makes a marriage happy.19 A recent article suggests parents should care for their love for kids and their own well-being.19 Sarah Hrdy noted that raising a child until they don’t need you nutritionally costs 13 million calories.19 Only 30% of married couples are in good, happy marriages, a study says.19 Happily married people tend to live about four years longer.19
Celebrating Milestones and Successes
Celebrating milestones and successes in parenting and marriage is crucial. It helps in maintaining a positive outlook and strengthening the marital bond. Couples should take the time to celebrate achievements, big and small. This strengthens their teamwork, brings gratitude, and creates lasting memories.20 These memories help during tough times.
In stepfamilies, celebrating milestones is even more important. It makes children feel they belong. Studies show that kids in stepfamilies are happier when their successes are celebrated.20
Celebrating milestones and successes often also helps couples stay positive. They focus on the good parts of parenting. This, in turn, makes their marriage stronger.21 For example, Ryan & Amy had a dream to live and work together in a place they loved. They faced many challenges, but their determination paid off.21 They also find time for fun and gratitude, doing activities like climbing and cooking together. This keeps their relationship fun and balanced.21
By celebrating milestones as parents and successes in marriage, couples grow closer. They appreciate each other more and stay positive about family life. This makes their marriage stronger.20 Good communication and planning are essential for stepfamilies. Studies show that clear communication and planning help stepfamilies overcome challenges and build strong bonds.20
Conclusion
The key to a happy marriage during parenthood is teamwork. Couples should make their marriage a top priority. They need to talk well, solve problems wisely, and compromise. Seeking help when they need it is crucial too.4 By knowing each other’s love languages, spending quality time together, and growing spiritually, you can find the balance in raising your kids.22
As you journey through parenting, be ready for change and celebrate every milestone. Put your faith in God’s guidance. Following these principles will help make your marriage and family strong, which is great for your kids.4 Building and keeping a strong marriage while taking care of your family is hard work. But, the love and happiness you gain are worth it.22
It’s essential to focus on your relationship and team up to face parenthood’s challenges. Doing this with grace and resilience will make your marriage stronger. It’ll also give your kids a loving, safe place to grow up in.4 Your teamwork not only strengthens your bond but also ensures a warm environment for your children.22
FAQ
How can couples work together in parenting and maintain a strong marital relationship?
What is God’s design for marriage and parenting?
What are some of the challenges couples face in parenting?
Why is it important for couples to understand each other’s love languages?
How can couples prioritize their marriage while navigating the challenges of parenthood?
How can couples resolve conflicts as a team when it comes to parenting?
What are some ways couples can work together in parenting to maintain a strong marital relationship?
Why is self-care important for parents in maintaining a strong marital relationship?
How can couples seek support in parenting and maintaining their marriage?
Why is it important for couples to let go and trust God in their parenting journey?
Source Links
- https://firstthings.org/my-spouse-and-i-disagree-about-parenting/
- https://www.debbieausburn.com/post/areas-of-agreement-essential-to-keeping-your-marriage-strong
- https://www.abundancetherapycenter.com/blog/balancing-marriage-and-parenting-in-your-partnership
- https://abetterlifetherapy.com/blog/from-partners-to-parents
- https://medium.com/@vinutham/whats-marital-intimacy-got-to-do-with-parenting-6e67e641cff2
- https://coveteur.com/love-languages
- https://www.verywellmind.com/can-the-five-love-languages-help-your-relationship-4783538
- https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_save_your_marriage_from_parenthood
- https://www.gottman.com/blog/two-views-every-conflict-valid/
- https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/how-to-parent-with-a-partner-when-you-cant-agree-on-a-parenting-style/
- https://marriageaftergod.com/advice-for-couples-who-work-together/
- https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/how-to-trust-god-with-your-adult-children/
- https://www.marriage.com/advice/parenting/try-parenting-marriage/
- https://www.gottman.com/blog/10-ways-rekindle-passion-marriage/
- https://www.marriage.com/advice/intimacy/4-tips-to-build-intimacy-in-a-marriage/
- https://psychcentral.com/relationships/how-can-i-improve-intimacy-in-my-marriage
- https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/blending-two-spiritual-lives/
- https://st.network/religion/how-to-grow-together-with-god.html
- https://raisedgood.com/keep-marriage-strong-kids/
- https://extension.usu.edu/hru/blog/how-to-merge-traditions-celebrations-and-milestones-in-a-stepfamily
- https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/marking-marriage-milestones-lifetime-love-begins-kathy-rushing
- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9324095/